A little over a month ago, I was planning a surprise birthday party for my wife. I made it very clear to everyone involved: this was a secret. A top-tier, don’t-you-dare-mention-it kind of secret.

While talking to a friend about the party, they reassured me with, “Don’t worry, I won’t let the cat out of the bag.”

Now, I’ve heard that phrase thousands of times in my life. But for some reason, in that exact moment… it made zero sense.

Why is there a cat in the bag in the first place?
Like, who put it there? Why is it our job to keep it there? And what happens when it does get out? Does it run off and ruin birthday surprises?

Also—I’m not even a cat person. I say keep the cat in the bag. Tape it shut. Ship it to wherever people are into that sort of thing. (The bag, not the cat. Calm down, PETA.)

Now here’s the thing about my brain. Once a weird thought enters, it doesn’t just stroll through and leave. It sets up camp, builds a little fire, and invites other thoughts to join. (ADHD…probably. Undiagnosed, but I mean… come on.)

That one phrase sent me down a rabbit hole of others that don’t make any sense either. Let’s dive in:

“Cute as a button”

I’m literally wearing a shirt right now with buttons on it. Not one of them is cute.

If someone walked up to me and said, “Your boys are as cute as a button,” I wouldn’t be offended. Just… confused. Like—Which button? Are we talking standard white plastic or one of those fancy wooden ones?

“Lord willing, and the creek don’t rise”

Now I know this one’s a southern thing. I’ve heard it plenty of times growing up.

But let’s be real: I’ve been on this earth for 36 years and I have never seen a creek that had me worried.

Rivers? Sure. Lakes? Yeah, sometimes.

But a creek? No one’s ever said, “Man, we better evacuate—The Creek is lookin’ a little aggressive today.”

“Slept like a baby”

Have you met a baby?

They wake up crying every 90 minutes and usually need a full outfit change because they exploded in their diaper. If that’s how you slept last night, you need a doctor, not a lullaby.

“He’s a basket case”

Okay… what is a basket case?

Is it a case for a basket? That’s just a basket inside another basket. Which is too many baskets. A basket is already a case!

I even Googled “basket case” to get some clarity.
Spoiler alert: I’m more confused now than I was before. (Google image at your own risk.)

There are tons more where those came from. Weird, nonsensical sayings that somehow made it into everyday life.

But hey, I still use them. You probably do too.

Because while they may not make sense, they sure make for a good blog post.

-Matt Webb