I don’t want to sound like “that” old person, but I need to say this out loud.

When a family with multiple kids tells you they’re ready for the check… they are READY FOR THE CHECK!

Not in five minutes. Not after you check on another table. Not after you top off someone’s Diet Coke or go ask table 5 if they need more Splenda.
Right. Now.

Please don’t disappear into the kitchen vortex.

If a parent asks for the bill before you even bring it up, that’s not casual small talk. That’s a signal.
It means the countdown to chaos has begun.

Those kids? They’ve probably been awake since 6:30 AM, missed nap time, and are running on fruit gummies, chicken nuggets, and questionable choices. We’re operating in meltdown territory here.

If you have kids, you know what I mean.
If you don’t… imagine trying to keep a pack of tiny caffeinated raccoons calm in a public place while your own sanity is coming into question.

So when you see a dad give you the universal “check please” sign—you know, the invisible pen in the air—that’s not a casual gesture. That’s desperation. That’s a man who needs to get out before one of his kids turns feral and starts flipping salt shakers.

You are the lifeline.
You are the hero they didn’t know they needed.

So please, when we ask for the check, just bring it.

(Respectfully.)

-Matt Webb